And the world spins.

My ideal family was mom, dad, 4 kids (2 boys, 2 girls). I had my ideal family.  Even numbers.  We even had a male dog and a female cat to keep it equal.

Then the desire for another baby began. Yes we wanted another. No we didn't.  Back and forth. We had perfect numbers.  All of them are healthy, why risk it.  I was just starting to come to grips with Johnny being my last baby, when we found out we were pregnant with ToriBeth.

Ahhhhh! An almost perfect pregnancy! Despite having to do multiple insulin shots a day.

Then I began to worry.  Why was it so easy?  I knew this had to be my last baby.  I was getting older, my health was getting worse.  The worry over me and the worry over potential complications to the baby from my diabetes made that decision for us.  But still, why was it all so easy? Except labor, but that is a different issue!

Then she was born and she was perfect.  But still I waited for the other shoe to drop.  I very deeply felt that this was all too perfect.  I watched over her vigilantly.  I worried about her hearing.  She was doing great and developing right on target.  But that unease was still there. What was it?  Why could I not just accept all was good and move on?

ToriBeth is still a wonderful baby.  She's funny and engaging and people just flock to her.  And she is perfectly healthy. 

I feel bad that I was waiting for something to happen.  But there is a reason behind mother's intuition.

Only I was focusing on the wrong child.

I can't really say I missed the signs.  Because the bruises weren't really anything when you have an active little boy.  The 1st bruises I took Johnny to the doctor for was when he was barely (if even) walking.  There was 1 on his tailbone area that the doctor diagnosed as a mongolian spot.  The other was on his ribs.  She said it just looked like he fell on a toy or something.  All the times he fell and hit his head I never took him in.  And they were pretty ugly.  I just figured they were bumps.  And he always seemed to have a bump.  There was also the time he fell out of a kitchen chair and hit his elbow.  It swelled up and looked horrible.  We had it x-rayed looking for a break or bone infection.

In all honesty, I knew there was a chance he had hemophilia.  It is passed on the X-gene.  My dad has it.  I grew up around it.  I just never put any of this together until I sit and really just think.  I asked to have Johnny tested a year ago, before he went to school.  His doctor didn't see any need.  Figured we would have known by then.

But early this summer, Johnny started getting some rather large and unexplained bruises at his joints, mainly his knees.  They would just show up.  He would have no idea what caused them.  I finally took him back to the doctor and she ran some tests.  His factor VIII came back off and she referred us off to a blood doctor.  Still thinking it was something else, but she wanted to be 100% sure.

We have met with the pediatric hematologist and had more blood drawn and we go back in 2 more weeks.  This feels like an eternity.  I will feel better when we have an official diagnosis and a plan in place.  And some literature to be able to give to his teacher and the school nurse who have never even heard of it, let alone know how to deal with an iccident. 

Funny thing, Johnny has always loved baseball.  It is his passion.  He watched every single game of the semi and finals of the World Series last year.  He has a huge collection of baseball cards.  His most prized possessions are his autographed Brandon Weeden baseball and his 2nd place trophy from a tee-ball tournament......oh and maybe his San Francisco Giants jersey and hat......and we can't forget his glove either.  His older brother, Eric, has always played football.  But Johnny has never really ever shown an interest.  Now I guess that is a good thing since football would be completely out of the question.  We can make baseball work, but football is full contact.

Currently, his arms and shins are just speckled in bruises.  I noticed one on his hip and another on his thigh.  These all look minor and non-concerning.

But you know what?  The world keeps spinning.  I have always been protective of Johnny.  Maybe because I am older.  Maybe because he has always seemed more accident prone.  Maybe because of all of his ear infections or his breathing issues.  Or maybe....because I thought he was the last for so long.  Either way, this just makes us stronger and more educated.